Gender Norms and Bullying

This is a topic that has been a hot button issue recently.

Bullying. Especially bullying related to gender normativity and "what girls/boys are "supposed" to like". As a nerd, a brony, and a childcare provider, this is an important and intense issue for me.

Disliking something is totally OK. I don't care whether or not you like something. It's when it becomes an excuse to use hateful language and target people for physical, verbal, electronic, and emotional abuse that it's not ok.

As a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and a sometime member of the "Brony" (adults and boys that like the latest instalment of the My Little Pony franchise) community, I experience this prejudice of what men and boys are supposed to like and what women and girls are supposed to like. As a female geek/nerd/whatever you want to call it, I experience it first hand.

I'll start with bronies, because it's a community that I'm familiar with, that many people target for hate, and that has been in the news recently with stories of young boys being bullied for liking My Little Pony.

I'm going to describe the first 2 episodes of the show without once referencing the fact that it's about magical, pastel colored ponies.

The main character goes to a new town, expecting to prepare for an annual summer solstice holiday that might be the culmination of an ancient prophecy. This prophecy suggests the return of an old evil that was sealed away for 1000 years. The main character is a bookish young girl who prefers libraries and studying to the company of others. She is the most trusted student of the kingdom's ruler. The Princess sends her student to this town with orders to prepare for the solstice celebration and more importantly to make some friends. The student scoffs at the idea of making friends and attempts to prepare for the celebration without being troubled with making friends. However, the four new characters she meets each ties her up in some fashion, trying their hardest to be her friend. Frustrated, the student returns to where she is staying only to be tied  up by a fifth character throwing her a surprise party, and staying up all night to bring in the summer sun. The characters all travel to the town square, where they are supposed to greet their ruler and bring back the sun. But the when the Princess is announced, she has vanished. The ancient evil has returned and is threatening eternal night. The student is the only one that recognizes her (the evil) and calls her out by name. The episode ends with the evil cackling.

The next episode begins with the student being confronted by the aforementioned 5 characters on why she knew so much. She explains that she's a studier of magic and legends, and discovered a reference to the ancient evil in a book in the library of her school. She then refers to a set of 6 ancient artifacts that harness the power of harmony (known as the Elements of Harmony) the represent the values of loyalty, honesty, kindness, generosity, laughter and a mysterious unknown sixth element. The other characters find a reference to those Elements in a book in the library where the student character is staying. They are hidden in the old castle of the two sisters that once ruled their land which is in the old, scary forbidden forest.
The student wishes to go alone to find the Elements but her new found companions refuse to let her. We'll call them Orange, Blue, Pink, White, and Yellow to make individual references to them without referring to their names (which gives away the pony-ness of it all).
The 6 girls set out into the forest, being tricked along the way by the ancient evil's magic. A cliff is knocked out from under them and all are safe except the Student, who is helped by Orange. Orange reassures her that everything is going to be ok if she lets go she'll be carried to safety. This reassurance helps Student make it with the help of the other characters.
Then, the girls come across a giant Manticore, a creature that is part lion part scorpion. The girls try to fight the creature but are stopped by the quiet Yellow, who discovers a thorn in the creatures paw, and removes it, and sends him on his way, all without hurting or attacking him, and all with what she calls "a little kindness" The magic causes evil trees to come to life that Pink banishes with humor and laughter, White repairs the destroyed moustache of a sorrowful sea serpent, and Blue choses her companions over her dreams and her own ego.
Finally, they reach the ancient castle and find the five elements, encased in stone. Student sends the others on her way, trying to make a "spark" that will cause the sixth Element of Harmony to appear. Instead, the ancient evil traps her, forcing her to face off alone. The Evil destroys the physical elements of harmony leaving Student to feel she is unable to defeat her until she hears the voices of her companions, and yes, friends. The friends turn out to represent the Elements of Harmony, and each of their acts in the forest makes the student realize how happy she was to hear them and see them, and that she considers them her friends. The Elements appear as jewelry around the Friends' necks (and in student's case, the sixth element, Magic, appears as a tiara), and they are able to not only defeat the evil, but to revert her to the state she was before she was consumed by jealousy and hatred: that of one of the two sisters who ruled their land. Their ruler appears, and congratulates them on their victory before turning to the defeated (formerly) evil, now transformed back into what she reveals to be her sister. The sister accepts the Princess's friendship and begs forgiveness for her actions (ok, she just says she's so sorry but begs sounded better). The friends return to town amid cheers and celebrations for the return of their lost princesses and the day. The student is saddened by having to leave her newfound friends, so the Princess (and her teacher) issues the order to stay behind in the small town, with her new friends, and study the magic that is friendship, and report to her her findings. Thus ends the intro to a show that became a phenomenon.

Now...with the ponies removed...what in there sounds like it's exclusively for girls? Are boys not allowed to appreciate good friendships? How about the fantasy adventure elements that make up the two parter (fewer of the regular episodes have this feel, but the point remains the same). Replace the ponies with human characters (and maybe make a couple of the girl characters boys) and it could be the plot of an anime.

This to me is what makes the show attractive: good characters, sweet stories that teach a lesson about friendship and other important life lessons without it being overly preachy, engaging and funny dialogue, magic and fantasy. All of these things can be found in things that are considered as "for boys".
I'm not saying everyone needs to like My Little Pony. It's definitely not for everyone, boys and girls alike. But there is absolutely no reason to degrade someone for liking it because they happen to be a boy. The Brony community can be obnoxious, this is absolutely true...of the adults. The 9 year old boy who takes a Rainbow Dash backpack to school, is targeted by bullies, and then told to leave the backpack behind by administrators because it "made him a target" has done nothing to deserve being bullied. Neither has the 11 year old who attempts suicide after being a target of bullying for liking My Little Pony.

You can point fingers and blame whomever you like for these situations. You can say the school was right to tell Grayson Bruce to leave his backpack at home. But you'd be wrong. The real perpetrator here is the standards we expect boys and girls to live up to. By saying "girls like ponies, boys like superheroes" we're giving kids the idea that if a boy likes ponies there's something wrong with him. The same goes for a girl who likes Superheroes or Star Wars. There was a story online recently of a girl who was bullied for carrying a Star Wars lunch box.

Star Wars, Superheroes, Monster High and My Little Pony aren't things that are naturally available. There is no predetermined "what you like" based on gender. No one person is the same. Anyone can like what they like and getting upset about it is ridiculous.

This idea of "boy stuff" and "girl stuff" leads to bullying. Kids don't just naturally target a boy that likes MLP or a girl that likes Star Wars. They are taught that these things are "for boys" or "for girls" and taught by association that boy that likes MLP or a girl that likes Star Wars are "weird" or "wrong".

This of course is just one societal factor that leads to bullying. Bullying can be based around race, religion, gender, sexuality, ability, mental ability, looks, and many many other things.
But one fact remains the same: Bullying is TAUGHT, usually by adults or by peers that were taught by adults. They see or hear an adult shame someone for liking something, or looking a certain way, or believing in something or not, and they copy. Racism is taught. Sexism is taught. Religious discrimination (including the discrimination of those without religion) is taught. Homophobia is taught. Gender norms are taught. None of these things are things that are innate in humans or their wouldn't be controversy surrounding them. And it needs to stop. Starting with adults that should know better. Teach your kid to accept other people, and not to accept things that hurt other people. Should you just accept everything you don't like? No, but you should accept those that do like it if it's not harming another human.